awkward.

let's talk about sex.

just kidding.

but let's talk about kissing. let's talk about someone walking up and asking you if you two can kiss with a hundred people watching you. and let's talk about this person potentially being a stranger.
and this is a normal, regular thing.

i need to discuss a couple of things. first, true aggie night.

from the true aggie facebook page:

"The True Aggie tradition at USU began in 1916 by the Beno Club. To become a True Aggie one must receive a kiss on the "A" under a full moon at midnight by someone who already is a True Aggie, or on Homecoming or A-Day by someone who is not."

a while ago, i posted about when i first became a "true aggie". i definitely prefer that method and style. the actual true aggie night...i'm just not a fan. a bunch of people stand around and watch couple by couple stand on a statue with a big light shining on them while they go at it. all the while you are completely at risk of having people walk up to you and ask you to do that with them, some of them are your friends, some of them you don't even know. whose idea was this?!

second, i want to talk about how i've changed since being in college. i used to believe that there is no such thing as an awkward situation, that if you feel any degree of awkwardness it is because you are allowing yourself to feel that way, and therefore creating an awkward situatioin for yourself. i used to never feel awkward or weird about any situation. weird situation, you name it, and it wouldn't even phase me. i have always loved provoking awkward feelings in other people, though. i always give what most people would consider awkward waves and awkward glances, make awkward comments, and do whatever else someone might feel awkward about. since being in college, my awkward antics have become less conscious and have become more of a habit...and now i have just plain turned into an awkward person! on top of that, i've let the awkwardness of my own actions get to me, i am no longer immune to feeling awkward about my own actions or uncomfortable mannerisms and actions of others. it's awful.

anyways let's talk about a night that will definitely go on my list of awkward nights. okay i don't have a list of awkward nights, but if i keep up this allowance of awkward feelings, i will definitely be able to make one.

anyway, i went to a-day (true aggie night) mainly just to be with my friends who were all going, and it was my last true-aggie night i would witness while still living in logan. i went determined i wasn't going to kiss anyone. well, yeah that was one of those things that just didn't go according to plan.

i happened to run into one of my friends from a class of mine, we'll call him andy, right as it was midnight and the first couple kissed. andy wasn't a true aggie and i kind of had that uncomfortable vibe that he was interested in kissing me on the "a"...but i just kept forcing conversation and chatting with him. while we were chatting one of my friends, we'll call this one jeff, approached me and asked if i would kiss him and his friend on the "a". my immediate response was "no!" he just snickered at me and walked away. i told andy i needed to go find my roommate and left.

i then run into another group of guys i'm friends with, and my friend "brandon" told me i should kiss his friend, "michael", who i didn't know. he pointed out some kid aways away wearing footie pajamas (there was a pajama dance prior to this). i told him i hate true aggie night and that i feel so weird about it, especially kissing some guy i didn't know. "brandon" just laughed and said that was totally fine, he wasn't going to put me on the spot.

so then i find alecc, who i knew wouldn't want to true aggie me and talked to him, thinking it would be too intimidating for any guy to come talk to me while i was with him. and what happens? no, no guy approaches me, but two girls who know alecc come over and chat with us. then one of them addresses me, saying i should kiss that one guy i was with earlier, "andy". she told me he wanted to be a true aggie with me but he was too scared to say anything (i don't blame him the whole time we were together i was saying how much i hated true aggie night), and that he is really cute and way awesome. well she was right, he is really cute and way awesome...and when she asked me if i would ever kiss him i found myself somehow saying yes. i think it was one of those word vomit things..."perfect!" she said, "i'll let him know!"

i was defeated. but oh well, i was okay with it. i don't know how i could say no to andy, he's a cute guy and he's so sweet. and plus, that girl kind of bugged me, i wouldn't want to reject him through her. so as i waited for "andy" to come find me i talked to allie and our roommate's ex-boyfriend came found us and talked to us. i was excited to see him cuz i really like him, he was always a good friend to me when they dated. but while we talked he was really stiff and awkward...and of course the subject of our roommate, his ex, being engaged got brought up...which was kind of awkward. then, completely out of nowhere he asked if it would be weird if him and i kissed. i was completely caught off guard but i told him i was already becoming a true aggie with someone else, sorry. he then argued that i could do it twice. i told him that i already felt weird about kissing one person on the statue, let alone two. you could feel the awkwardness in the air, you could probably catch some in your hand and stash it in your pocket, or slice peices of it, put some butter and honey on it, and eat it right up. he tried to convince me it wasn't weird at all so i had to just flat out tell him no, sorry.

after this incident, annoying girl (the one who talked me into kissing andy), approaches me again. i ask her if she's seen andy and she replies "no, but you see the guy in the purple footie pajamas? you should kiss him." i reply, "oh michael, yeah i don't want to." yes, i flat out told her no just like that, but she turned around anyway and walked over to him. i started walking in the other direction to get out of there, but michael called my name, so i had to go talk to him. he asked if i wanted to become true aggies, and before i could even answer he put his arm around me and walked me to the line. annoying girl was becoming a true aggie with michael's friend, and the four of us all went up there together. i leaned in, kissed him, and pulled away. quick in and out kiss. not awkward at all, right? wrong, because the couple standing next to us kept kissing for a few seconds while michael and i just stood there. i wonder what my face looked like at that moment.

right as allie and i were about to leave, andy came and found me and we got up there and kissed. that part of my night actually wasn't awkward at all, and i can say i was totally fine with it.

i have no regrets, just a funny memory of an awkward night.

-kandi