the two deadly "m"s and the "l" word.

for lds young adults today there are two predominant topics of discussion that will almost always get brought up.

missions and marriage.

i mean, it makes sense right? those two things are kind of a big deal in our culture and faith and it's at (around) this time and age that these things happen.

whenever i see a friend, family member, or neighbor i haven't seen for a while, one of the first things they ask me is "are you dating someone?" my answer is usually "no", but this conversation could go many different ways if i had a different answer. if i was dating a pre-mi, or a latter-day-saint young man who hasn't yet left on a mission but is going on one in the future, they could ask all sorts of questions about his mission and my plans while he was gone. if i was dating an rm, or return missionary, they could ask about marriage. i'm pretty sure these types of conversations happen on a daily basis for lds girls my age in utah.

missions.
whether or not he has gone, has his call, is planning on going, or even not planning on going on one, every lds guy living in utah will have the topic of a mission brought up to him frequently. they will talk about where he served/where he will be serving/places that would be cool to serve. they will talk about the language, the people, the work, their expectations. i talk to my pre-mi friends about their missions on a daily basis. about them being excited or nervous to get their call, about why they're going, about what the place is like where they're going. or from RMs (especially the fresh ones--they usually won't shut up about their missions) about investigators and companions, funny stories and crazy people they met, weird customs and food. each mission experience is different and i love hearing about them.

and yes, girls talk about missions also. there's the prospect of going on your own mission in a couple years, and then there's the current missionaries themselves. in all honesty, i love talking to anyone who will listen about any and all of my friends who are gone on missions because i miss them so stinking much. girls talk about missionaries they can see themselves marrying, gossip about what girls are writing who, and talk about letters they receive and how funny something he said was, or how cute or spiritual something he said was.

if there is even a sliver of a "more than friend" element with a missionary, everyone will need to know the details: what was your relationship like before he left? how often do you write? are you waiting for him? do you want to  m  a  r  r  y  him? anyone who has "had a missionary" before will give you sound advice about writing and dating other people and living your life to the fullest while he is gone. any RM who isn't hitched will tell you not to waste your time, write him off, it will never work. everyone will analyze whether or not they can see you and the missionary ending up together.

marriage. 
it's a dangerous world out there for any girl 18 or older. there are eight girls i know of from my graduating class (i graduated less than a year ago) who are married or engaged, a few of which i am close friends with. everyone talks about people they know getting married, how the couple met, what they are like together, where they are going to live, how many kids they'll have. looking at wedding announcements hanging on fridges, people will comment on whether the couple looks cute or awkward.

if you date an RM, everyone will try to figure our whether or not you'll get married...and let's face it, sooner or later you'll have to deal with that ultimatum yourself. as most people see it...if you can't see yourself marrying them, what's the point in dating them?

when i talk to m pre-mi friends, we'll talk about their missions for a while and then they'll always turn the tables to me with a "and by the time i get back you'll be married." i've always hated this frequent death sentence, but i've given up on arguing with them about it. i just answer with a "yep" and we leave it at that. i really don't think i'll get married in the next two years...i want to become educated and travel the world, i am way too immature, and i am more frightened by the thought of marriage than i ever have been in my life. but what do i know about anything? i guess everyone is susceptible of falling madly in love at any moment and doing the unthinkable.

the crazy thing is, is that the unthinkable is widely accepted and encouraged in this culture. church leaders tell us that not only should you get married, but young adults (which does include me, as non-adult-like as i may be) should be actively preparing for marriage and searching for an eternal companion. they know best...but how nerve-wracking is that?!

however, even i, as uninterested in getting married (any time soon at least) as i may be, do love weddings. i love looking at engagement and bridal pictures. i'm living off the plans for the wedding i'm in in june. even i join in with my roommates when they look online at rings and dresses. i love chick flicks about weddings. and yeah, after scott proposed to taylor, maybe i did let ashley show me her top 20 or so favorite wedding videos.


one more thing...since when was "love" a swear word? since being in college i've heard quite a few times somebody ask about a couple, "have you guys used the "l" word yet?"

the "l" word?! that makes me feel like saying "i love you" is like dropping an annihilating bomb. but then again...maybe it is.

-kandi