i finally shot the gap.

you know when you're waiting at a stop sign to make a left turn into traffic and how exasperating it can be? when there is a break in the stream of cars driving on the road you're trying to turn on to, you think to yourself "shoot the gap!" but after a moment's hesitation you realize it is too late. as you look at the long line of cars coming you are filled with regret because you don't know how long you'll have to wait to get the chance again to finally make the turn.

lately i've been feeling that anticipation of considering shooting the gap, and then the following regret that comes when i haven't shot it.

there is a boy who in high school was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. he was an incredible friend and always there for me. he did a lot for me and he stuck by me no matter what. i was extremely blessed to have him in my life, to say the least.

being immature, selfish, and confused, i hurt him.

people always say to live your life with no regrets. i've come to realize that that is near impossible. as imperfect human beings, we are going to do things that we wish we wouldn't have ever done. especially in high school. i've regretted how i treated my relationship with this boy. "back to december" by taylor swift captures perfectly how i've felt about the situation for the past year or so. she just gets me.

anyway, the past few weeks the boy has been one of my good friends again, even though i far from deserve that. as his mission is approaching it's been really good to spend time with him and his friends, but i've felt unsettled because i knew that i needed to tell him how sorry i sincerely am for everything. i had a couple of gaps i could have shot to talk to him about it, but didn't take the opportunity at those times. it was very much like timing a left-hand turn.

and i knew this left-hand turn was absolutely vital for me to take to get to where i wanted to be.

i finally realized that i was running out of time and that i needed to act NOW. so when i finally just did it, i was able to tell him that i'm sorry, that he never deserved any of that, and how much i appreciate him and everything he's done for me. i could tell by the way he received my apology with gratitude and how he in turn apologized for minor misdeeds of his own, that it was a very well-needed conversation for the both of us.

i regret hurting him. i regret taking so long to apologize. but my regrets are comforted with the fact that we're okay. we're good friends and we're both happy with our lives. i am blessed to have such a good friend. life is great. what more could i ask for?

it's not realistic to literally "live with no regrets". i've learned that it's really living with your regrets, without regret for them. you can do so by being honest with yourself and others, cleaning out wounds so they can heal properly, and learning from your mistakes.

the Lord allows us to make mistakes so we can learn from them.

all is well. :)

-kandi